by: Ivy Black
Most of us would like a "happily ever after" of their own. Maybe not always with the sugary glazing, but definitely a long lasting partnership is what many people crave for. Although this is not a comprehensive guide, these tips should definitely get you on the right track in finding your perfect other half.
Most of us have at some point in our life came across fairy tales, be it in the form of childhood fairy tales, where the prince and princess lived happily ever after, or the plethora of romantic comedies and dramas from Hollywood. They both have one thing in common - an idealistic view on relationships. It all looks so easy when watched from aside, but it does not teach us how to achieve it ourselves. And one thing is certain, prince charming won't fall from the sky, and no one can last in an euphoric love state 24/7 forever...
What are we to do than mere mortals? Well you can rejoice for one thing, as although it seems elusive true love and a strong life-long relationship is achievable if you try to be realistic.
Here are some rules that should help you get on track.
Be critical
It might sound like a bizarre advice, but it refers to you not others. Look at yourself and realize you are not perfect, and thus you cannot except others to be perfect either.
Be realistic
If you want a royal prince, who looks like a hot Hollywood actor, and has the intelligence levels of Einstein then yes - you will be disappointed with everyone you meet. Do not go the other way either - don't throw yourself into the arms of anyone that is willing to take you. This is a lot about knowing yourself and knowing what you really expect from your partner. And I cannot emphasize this enough - be realistic. Make a list and pick your priorities.
Know yourself
The first point to find your dream partner is surprisingly knowing yourself. A successful relationship is very much about having common interest and most importantly life priorities. Yes you can be pretty much opposites, but if you do not share at least some of the very core values, then chances are your relationship is not going to last long. This does not mean you have to be nearly clones of each other, like the same food, colours and songs. It's more about things like views on life, what kind of values are most important to you, what kind of living environment you prefer. Because if one of you wants to live in the centre of a busy city and go out every night drinking, and the other one prefers country life, drinking tea on the porch and not socializing much beyond closes friends and family, then problems are bound to arise. And although these are not insurmountable, they definitely make maintaining such a relationship quite a challenge.
Don't run away when problems appear
A lot of the problems with modern day relationships is that they are easy to abandon when things go astray. It's not that it was easier to enjoy a happy family before, but there was a lot more pressure on trying harder. And although this is a double edged sword - just as it helped save some relationships, it forced some others to stick together despite obvious failure, it definitely made people a bit more cautious about your choices.
This means three things for successful relationships. Firstly you should be slightly picky, and not diminish yourself and your values. Secondly you should remember that a relationship is not a constant, it's about two people in a way evolving together, so discrepancies in opinion and problems will appear sooner or later. Try and work these out. And lastly, if everything fails, contrary to your ancestors you have a choice. There is no point sticking in a dead end relationship just for the sake of it.
If it bugs you, do it yourself
When it comes to problems and flaws we tend to make a big deal of little things our partner does but not notice all the annoying things we do ourselves. Some things you can and should talk about. If you are doing everything and your partner just sits on the couch, then maybe you should check the previous point. Or just maybe, it is you who made things that way. Sometimes things do not have to be perfect. We are not all born with the same skills. One person's level of cleanliness might be another person's cleaning nightmare. Give your partner a chance, when a glass is not perfectly shiny after washing, mention it (But remember to keep it positive! No screaming and throwing plates about it...), and encourage them to do it better next time, rather than doing it yourself from there on.
The general rule is - do not be fussy about small things. If you want the towel folded in a certain way - do it yourself. If the trash is full, don't go rambling about it - in the time you spend on that, you could just as well thrown the trash out yourself.
Don't sacrifice yourself all the time
You always have to have a balance. There is nothing wrong in being a little bit selfish, but when one of the partners gives 100% and the other one 0%, sooner or later it is going to cause problems. The ideal situation is when both partners give a 100%, as then they both also receive a 100% from the other person this way. In reality, this will probably fluctuate depending on many different conditions like work, health, social life, family, even weather! It is OK to make extra effort for your partner, but if you keep living in overdrive 24/7 you will burn out (or, mind you, it might be your partner that burns out).
Be affectionate
This seems a very obvious one, but I find it quite sad how little affection people show each other these days. There is eroticism every where, and snogging, but what is important to a healthy relationship is not the outbursts of passion, it's good to have them, but something has to fill in the gaps too. And that something is simple touch, just holding hands while walking together, a little kiss here and there. People might deny it, but we are physical creatures, and physical contact helps create a bond and reassurance to the other person that you are still interested in them, and happy with them.
Talk, talk, talk
Just as we need to feel the other person around physically, it is good to talk about many different things. The insignificant - so that you can exchange your views on events and know how your partner feels about things. About problems - rather than let your anger or annoyance grow inside you into an insurmountable problem, let it out, tell your other half what is bugging you. Be wary though to do it tactfully and try not to hurt the other person's feelings while doing it. Imagine how you would like bad news to be delivered to you. A good advice is to avoid "You..." statements and exchange them for "I..." ones - this makes your sentences less like an accusation, and more like you expressing your concerns
Be creative
Make little gifts for each other - they don't have to be expensive. They don't even have to be presents. It is a nice way to show the other person you think about them. A flower without an occasion, going out to their favourite restaurant, cooking something they like, etc. Sometimes it's nice to be surprised even without a special occasion.
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