muffins raya

A moment that bring us back together... forever.
I find a way back to love.

"i'm sorry"

I'm sorry to all of you.

I put a gap between all of us.

It's not your fault.

I'm asking you...

Please give me some more time?
to cure something inside me.
to look for a sign.
to throw away the thoughts I'm having right now.
the changes in me might hurt you.
It hurts me even more to see you still here with me.

If you're tired already with me...
I'm sorry.

"I will be fine..."

How far is the truth...?

I kept repeating the same statement over and over again.
I'll never tell the truth...because the truth is hurting me deep inside.
It's humiliating. It's only between two of us. Enough.

Because...

I won't cry anymore.

A Tale of The Cube.

"Friendship is like a rubik cube."

Why I'm saying so? A close friend of mine made me realize the fact I never realize before. At first he didn't succeed!
I'm so stubborn to accept the fact that we need friends by our side, even though we think that we don't need them all the time.. What I mean here is, if you need the time of your own... don't ever walk away from your friends because you'll get lost,

especially a person like me..

I did not accept the fact.

"Sometimes certain people are just not meant to be with a group of friends at certain time and they need to settle down on their own... I think I don't belong with all of you. You all will be just fine without me right? There are no rooms for me. It's not their fault. I'm the one who got the silly thoughts. It's okay... I'll be fine after this. And we will be 'muffins' again.."

"Sometimes I need a space of my own, pampered myself because I need to find the sign, God's sign. It seemed like I'm running away from all of you. I just need time and everything will be just fine... I promise you."

That is what I said...

So he said...

"Do you think you are going to learn by yourself? Do you think you'll be just fine without your friends? You need help... You need guidance... or else you will get lost. No one can learn by himself."

I saw the look at his face. I don't like it.. I knew he was so disappointed of me. I can see that. He didn't even look at my face when I'm talking. I told him, he couldn't change me. Even though he said so right now... but then I'm still me when I'm alone. When I'm alone by myself... Something do not strike me yet.

During our conversation, I played with his rubric cube. He managed to arrange all the green sides of the rubric cube altogether. It's amazing for me because I don't know how... He showed me the rubric cube and asked me, "What if one of the "green" missing. It will not be perfect right? It looks ugly.." Then I said, "It's okay, it will find its way back home...it will"

He did not say a thing anymore. Maybe he got tired and bored already. He should... why not?

Suddenly something happened and knocked me when I accidentally switch the position of the green side of the cube because I tried to show him one of the 'greenies' will find its way back BUT I got lost. I switched here and there... I failed to find the way back. All the 'greenies' were apart from each other now. I made it even worse. Even if one of them was near with each other but they still could not be together. I'm trying and kept trying... I'm totally lost.

He smiled at me and said... "Solve it by yourself. You can learn by your own right?"

"I need your help because I don't know how?!"
These came out from my mouth all of sudden.

Something STRIKED me. My own words. He smile again and then help me to arrange all the 'greenies' back.

"What did you learn?" he asked.

I smiled and... feel ashamed of myself perhaps? I feel so small~
Again... we smiled at each other.

So friends... That is why I'm saying friendship is just like a rubric cube.

"If they are together they will look nice and beautiful. But when one of them walking away from each other it might get lost... so each one them will trying to find the way back home to each other. Even though they are far apart, there is still a bond between them that keep them together at one place. That bond shall never be broken. They keep finding each other and finally they will be together... forever."

That is the purpose of friendship.

Don't waste it! >_<

Perfect Life or Perfect Lie?

pieces...

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant
all the things I said

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

On my own...

When you're gone... Now I'm gone.

This time with different version...
for different situation I'm having right now.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you
I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me.

It's hut to love and leave.
I tried this.
I thought it was easy but it's not that simple when you love someone very much.
Don't do this. You'll hurt more than that person.

I am fragile.
Very fragile...
Easily hurt...
Easily broken to pieces.
Hate to be leave
but try to leave
and finally gets hurt badly.
I've experienced this.

I will not do this again.

What's the purpose of friendship?

She does not need help...?
Please tell her what she supposed to do?

Are people in this world are meant to have friends?
She doesn't think so...
Some people just meant to be by themselves right?
It seemed like things just go well if and only if they are alone.
She's been through a hard time right now. Real hard for her...
She's Ungrateful.
Can I say that??? YES!

Muffins should taste sweet.
Muffins should feel the happiness..
But she kept telling herself that how pathetic she was when they are people around her helping her to get through any obstacles in front.
Since when she need help of others?
Since when things had change for any better??
Since when she's so terrible as she always rely on others???
She still doesn't get it doesn't she?
What's the purpose of friendship??

No. She'll never understand that.
It's so suitable for her whom used to be alone without friends long time ago.
It seemed that she is never belong to a group of friends.
Things are much better without her right?
You'll never understand what she want because she doesn't realize what she want with her life right now. Something is still incomplete but what??
Her silly thoughts never stop playing in her mind.
Is it too risky for her to belong in such friendship??
That's why she kept running away. She is the pebble in the shoe.
You shouldn't be with her because she is meant to be alone?
Is that right?

What the hell is going on her??
You'll never understand...
Because she didn't.
This time, DON'T help her.
You'll regret.