to whom i may concerned.

one day if all of you happen to read this, i just want to say i'm really sorry.

i don't have right to blame all of you. i have to do this because i don't want to hurt any of us again. the truth is i don't want to hurt myself again. having friends shouldn't be painful as this but i kept hurting myself. it's hurt. really hurt. you'll never understand this.

it's not your fault. i never open myself to anyone since..you know when. i'm really grateful to be your friend and will always forever be.

if you happen to read this someday, can you answer my question. i couldn't find the answer till now.
"What does friendship means, when you're not needed?"
just answer this and that's all i'm asking for. that's all.

i really love all of you from the bottom of my heart
but there's always a price to pay for someone like me to belong in a friendship.

dedicated to: muffins

it's December 11.

hmm..i just like the number 11. hahaha

a great day with a perfect guy.

wow...never had fun like this for quite a long time. gee! it's a great day.

hmm. it could be a perfect time for my new life and new beginning from my great fall. time for my come back! i admit that i am still overshadow by my past.. i mean my surroundings which keep remind me of my past. i wonder is that counts? and... it's perfect coz i will be away from Kuching for about a month to get over everything..i mean every single thing. it just.. Perfect. To be seriously true. I can't get over whatever i'm facing right now..right here! to be exact...once again. God...i'm still living with my past when i'm still here. can't wait to be far from HERE. just for the need of settling down with my unstable emotions, similar problems over an over again, fake expressions, uncomfortable feelings and..huh. everything.

The time has come for me to run away from everything here. To be far far away. As long as i'm here i couldn't pretend any longer. it's killing me deeply, greatly inside.

Today is a perfect start for sure. out for movie..eating at Kenny Roger's, shopping, kraoke...until 9 pm are sure great funs for an indoor girl like me. hahaha! gosh! love it. the best part is i finished my last paper today! great relief!! Perhaps, Good Girl Gone Wild! not too wild.. hahaha. but what i've done today was totally different from what i used to be. Thanks to a friend of mine. hahaha! great time!

got to go! looking forward for more adventure after this.

2 more days to be out of miseries!!!

i've said what i had to say.

this is what i've kept to myself for months and it's time to let it out here.

well. i'm a loner. no one to talk to.

a perfect stranger.

in this world. in reality. we just have to face it.
we are a perfect stranger.
admit it. that's who we are.

i am a loner. i admit that. i live with that. no fake and lie. no more pretending because I'm living in my own world.

we were born in this world alone and that's how we are going to leave this world. alone. no one by your side.

i am a loner till i met a perfect stranger. someone i barely knew in my entire life. somehow this perfect stranger saved me and let me revealed my true self which has locked up in her own world and never came out. the truth is..i learn to love.

a perfect stranger.
I've never thought I've met someone like you.
so many nights i sit by my window
waiting for someone to sing me his song.
so many dreams i kept deep inside me.
alone in the dark but now you've come along.

a perfect stranger.
who light up my life.
who give me hope to carry on.
who light up my days.
who fills my night with songs.

a perfect stranger.
makes me feel so Lucky to no longer being alone.
peaceful and safe.
to feel the sense of belonging.
the explosion of love
involves the touch of two hearts
create a beautiful sounds
when he says nothing at all.

a perfect stranger.
our story is connected by thousand songs.
so close together and when i'm with you.
so close to feel alive
so close was waiting,
waiting here with you
and now forever i know... all that i want is to hold you so close.
how could i face the faceless day if i should lose you now?

a perfect stranger.
i remembered the first time we met. you stood there with a blank expression.
i saw a perfect stranger.
i remembered when we became friends.
lonely rivers flow to the sea. to the open arms of the sea.
i've known a perfect stranger.
i remembered when we start to love.
we explore thousands of emotions.
we develop a strong connection.
we start every journey side by side.
in you i see a friend that never let go.
a faithful companion that stood by me.
everyday is a gift. every second is a long wait.
i truly love a perfect stranger.

a perfect stranger.
the faceless day came.
dreams had to stop.
hope. i lost it in time.
slowly i crept into my own world back.
it has now been locked.
every drop of tears are only the cure for every missing parts of my broken heart.
somehow...i lost in my own world.
finding you in my memories.
there. i found my smile back. if only when i'm thinking of you.
i'm no longer myself. i'm becoming my old self back.

a perfect stranger.
i'm drowned in my own thoughts. no one to pull me just like you always did.
i'm finding my way back to love.
u left.
that's the end of our story.
the end of my hopes and dreams.

a perfect stranger.
we met as two perfect strangers
and end up being a perfect stranger.

please never forget me as you always close to my heart everyday.

a perfect stranger.
you're the pain.
you're the cure.
you are the best things that ever happen to me.
i could never had a single piece of hate in me.

and this is my last goodbye.
till we meet again as
a perfect stranger.

my heart will go on.

missing...

empty.
emptiness.
the world of fake and lie.
the sorrow that lies behind the beauty of the smile.
night.
cry in loneliness.
finding the missing part of a broken heart.
waiting.
will you ever smile to me again?

definisi cinta

cinta tak semestinya dimiliki
kerana bila dimiliki ada hati yang dilukai.
sedangkan cinta seharusnya menyayangi.
ku lepaskan dirimu kerana ku ingin menyayangi dan
tidak mahu menyakiti dirimu lagi.